He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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