david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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