The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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