just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
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Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
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And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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