God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
