Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
