Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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