If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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