I must be too annoying 4 u.
please come you make the beer taste better
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
