Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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