The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
