I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
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