Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
