There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
