i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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