i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
