hotel room ftw
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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