Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
