Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize