Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
