dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
