i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize