Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
