I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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