He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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