it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
