The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
