I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
