Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
