first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
