I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
