Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
