i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
