She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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