I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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