i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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