I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
