I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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