You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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