we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
