your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
