I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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