Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
