If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
