ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
