My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
