i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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