I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
