I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Randomize
