So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
