sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
