Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
