Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
