it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
