it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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