dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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