Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
My feet surprised me
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
