This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He better not be in your backpack
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
