Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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