you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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