my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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