There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
