i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
