You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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