I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
