Do you still have your period?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
