coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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