it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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