do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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