her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
