Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
