I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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